Lucky as can be...

As a parent but even more so in my case as a single parent I must remember to control my temper more. I know I don't get upset when it comes to some things but I may lose my temper over others. I tend to take more of my stress out on the boy and he really doesn't deserve that.

We fight tooth and nail at times but I must take advantage of the time I have with him. If I push him too hard as he gets older is will only keep him further away.

Today I did and said somethings that I regret in a fight we were having, why did I do it? Because I knew it would make him cry and I wanted to see an emotion other than the dislike and hate I see coming from his eyes at me at times when we fight. I must remind myself he lives with me full time, even though it may be all fun and games when he gets to see his dad I know by the end of the time he thankful to come home and be an only child again. I get jealous and I let it get the best of me at times. As he gets older he will realize that the rules and stipulations he has at home are there for good reasons.

As a parent I must remember the good times more than the bad and show him the love that he deserves.

As a parent I must remember that I am as lucky as I can be when it comes to him because he is a wonderful person to be around and I am learning as much from him as he is from me.

As a parent I must remember to love the sweet innocent face more than the mean face that we get even if we know the rules we set forth are for good reasons and not what is deemed as "just being mean"...

I must remember this face, well maybe not the face exactly because that one kind of scares me ;) but the memories behind the face that show me I am loved.

Team Jasper (and Alice) and outlook on love...

I am fairly sure I have talked about this before but instead of me finding the previous post I will just write a new one. Why is it there are really only two teams to choose from in the whole Twilight saga. Really book Edward beats book Jacob, but that is paper. Movie Jacob beats movie Edward (sorry mom and Mary, besides I wouldn't want my mom to attack him if by chance he were to come across). But really my heart belongs to Jasper. There is just something warm and wonderful about him (book and movie) that I adore.

I went to Eclipse, I think this one is my favorite out of the three and a lot of that comes from more screen time and story line for Jasper and Alice. They are my favorites, even though I dreaded the midnight showing with some of the crazies (hated the no air situation) it was great to be with friends and my sister. I started to feel weird that we were the only ones that were not taking pictures of each other just sitting in the seats (no they were not even dressed up or anything) so we pulled out our cell phones to try to fit in better. Below is me and my sister (I look like I am going to fall asleep but I was awake for the whole movie).

Given that I don't believe in much when it comes to love anymore, too many things have happened in my life that has tainted it. I won't lie, it is lonely at times but I have way too much at stake anymore and the relationships that I have had that involved H has just become too much. He is way to precious and I will not put him through it all again unless it is it and it will take some time to get there... Anyway back to my original rambling. As for love, the whole Edward and Bella romance is too much (maybe I think this because I have not found the love of my life), I find lots of aspects of the two of them a little overboard and I don't think love is like that. I find the Jasper and Alice love a little more believable, theirs compliments each other that I find a little more relatable there fore I find it more appealing which I do think is why I like them more. Alice is the type of girl I would like to be, but I know I am so far away from but she is very peppy and cute and likable.

To all the guys out there... hopefully I find a love closer to theirs in the future, I don't hold out any hope that I will fall in love again but know I am not closed off just I am done being the one to search and do the work. I am a strong and independent woman who has been doing things by myself for a rather long time so don't expect me to call you for every little thing. Now if you call me asking for help I probably will accept it, not willingly. Also just know, it will be a very long time for H to be a part of your life, he is by far the most important person in my life so he will be protected. He has been hurt by others so now I am tainted but if you really want to be in my life I am sure I (and H) will be worth it, you just need to put yourself in our shoes and know where we are coming from.

Things I love...

So recently I have been thinking of the things I love, this probably doesn't cover them all but just some that have come across my mind recently...

1. My son, of course that is the obvious one. I love him when he tries to make me happy only to come to find out he was doing things that he should not have done, but the intent behind it makes me love him even more and I just forget it.

2. My family. They are a handful and they drive me insane to the point where I just want to yell at them, but they are there for me and even if we have a full on fight we can still get together and just carry on with life. I have lost lots of friends in my life but my family has always been there for me.

3. My house. I may not be able to keep it clean and it is small and of course not the house that I want in the end but given that I am doing it on my own I am proud of it. I can only try to make it better. I only wish I could give my son his very own yard but we will make due with what we have and he does because he loves me (again one of the reasons why I love him so much).

4. A child's laughter. Yes, technically this goes along with #1 but it is not just my son's laughter that I love, I love just walking in a store hearing a child or at the park. It is the most sweet, innocent sound that I love and it always makes me feel better.

5. My sister's friends. I don't have a whole lot of my own friends, I have lost touch with many of them for a good number of reasons, mainly because my beliefs are different than theirs in many ways. I am also so shy even to this day (another reason why I love my son, he in a way always gets me to step out of my comfort zone and pretty sure he is why I am as social as I am now), but her friends have taken me in, I dare say they call me their friend too but I do look at them as a friend now so it helps. They help me want to help out my sister as much as I do at her work.

6. Freshly cut grass. Seriously I am so allergic to grass, but I love that smell. GAP use to have a perfurme that smelt exactly like it, I wish they still carried it and yes I did buy it and I did wear it, so I would walk around smelling like grass (what kind of weirdo does that and since I was the only one that is why they stopped selling it).

7. Fresh money bills. I am seriously a freak still (and if you look back to #5 they may not admit to calling me a friend now) like the smell of a fresh dollar bill. It can't be a gently used, brand spanking new only.

Again I said there could be tons more but I just thought of these real fast. Who knows I may have another some time in the future.

Ahhh, sweet young love...

Tomorrow in school is Valentine's day because they will not be there on the 14th. My young and beautiful son made valentine's for his class. I think if he had his way, even though he won't admit is out loud, he would give this lovely young girl a special one. I have met this girl on many occasions and she is truly adorable. I sense the feeling is mutual, she is already making the moves on the mom to get to the boy. If you ask H he will tell you they are only best friends but really to save himself from being teased I think he is being kind.

My young child is in a heap of trouble though. He got sent to the principals office, damn boy will be the death of me. Of course I wouldn't have a clue where he gets his temper from. ;) I guess the whole class was acting out and the teacher told the class that she would have to play the role of the mean teacher because no one would listen to her. Well leave it to H to decide that he was going to be mean back. I don't blame her for sending him away. Of course he could care less that he gets no video games and such for the weekend. Blows it off like it is nothing. I even told him he could not play with his toys, well he took it upon himself to find a box to play with. Really, am I suppose to be so mean that I can't even let him play with a box? I let him play with it because he was keeping the damn cat and damn dog from fighting.

Also I got asked while putting the boy to bed tonight why I love Edward so. I explained that Edward was fictional, if he had been real I would probably love him. But then I looked at him and I said "but you like him too". The boy turned his face away with a smile saying no, but the real answer was yes. I have tainted my boy, I think he is secretly waiting for the movie now. He was caught reading Eclipse (which is the one I am currently re-reading at the moment). I have created a girly boy!!!! I would like to hope he will only be more sensitive as he grows up and in tune to girls and women.

Again, I have accomplished yet another post, only hope I can keep it up.

Mr. Owl, how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pop?